A warm and loving mother sings her baby into dreamland…
Parents are a child’s first support staff … but what if the child was taught the opposite, that they are here to be the parent’s support staff? Somewhere along the way, were you brainwashed to think you owed them a justification for your existence? That’s what having one or two narcissistic parents is like.
There’s the difference between blaming your parents, and then doing the work to reparent yourself. In my last few blogs, clearly I don’t pass around the blame. As people evolve they recognize the difference … and it is a difference. One is admitting, and being a bigger person. You’re not blaming your abusers, you’re recovering from them. And let’s face it, work is work! It took many years for you to become the person that you became. And how many years will it take to shatter that old model and rebuild the newer, better one that would have been fine if you had been given the right tools in the first place! What is it, YOUR fault?
Abusers and their supporters, like flying monkeys, like to gloss over this. They post memes like, “You can’t blame your parents for the way you turned out. You should move on with your life.” Well, guess what:
- You’re still telling me what to do.
- As an adult, who is recovering from a twisted and traumatic upbringing, nobody has a right to judge your path.
- If the abusive parent hasn’t changed or apologized, then what, exactly, are you moving on from?
- It’s still going on. Sure, you might be an adult chronologically. But the other “adult” is still not doing their job, and still not allowing (recognizing) you to become what you’re supposed to become.
- The skills and toolbox don’t magically appear with chronological age. They have to be created. -Out of thin air, with therapy, with spiritual growth.
- Healing from childhood trauma is not blaming the parent.
- Callous, broad statements do not have compassion. Compassion is key to healing.
- Nobody, not one person can comment on your journey.
Supportive people won’t make unsolicited critiques on your art, secretly read your journals, or “should” on you. Recognize these people … they are few and far between. We have to live in the present moment, right? But what if we are either in a toxic relationship in the present, or keep making mistakes in the present because of our faulty skills from the past? It’s ok to do emotional forensics. It’s part of the healing process. By doing the work, you’ll get there, you’ll get to a healthy present moment!
When we a dream, it has pursued you. It has showed up, like a lost dog. You don’t pursue a dream, you don’t pursue a lost dog. The dream comes to you, without control. The lost dog finds you. Then you live your life, with this dog. So if creativity has found you, nobody has the right to question that, just because it isn’t tangible or obvious to others, doesn’t make it any less real. And like a puppy, you have to nurture your creativity, and give it the training and unconditional love it deserves.
honeygoldwriter 