Mysteries have always fascinated me. Okay, if I go way back, first, it was the Ouija board. Followed by, horoscopes. Religion. Coincidence. Personality tests. Mixed in there somewhere was our relationships with food and nature. It feels like I am constantly peeling back layers. Even though I may stay in one spot for many days, I am on a path of constant discovery. Constant change. People fascinate me. They either say interesting things that make me think, or they say angry things without thought. The interesting ones, they either say things from a perspective I never would have thought of, or, they turn out to be a kindred spirit.
I’ve always felt like I was on a quest, but lately, new information has helped me in ways I never knew. First, a series of painful events happened. My husband had a stroke. One of our business partners embezzled from our company. The Economy collapsed. Our insurance policy decided my husband’s stroke was a “pre-existing condition”. Some kids broke in to our house and robbed us. It seemed like we were getting kicked when we were down. We were broke, homeless, but not broken.
During this time of adversity, my best side came out. I was able to shed a lot of nonsense and focus on what was really important. Misfortune wasn’t done with me yet. At the same time I was experiencing excellent growth, I had two blows happen to me, that were so harsh, I didn’t think I was going to make it. Both of them had to do with jobs and betrayal. I knew I still had a long way to go. And maybe another harsh blow is right around the corner, again, who knows. That’s how it goes, life isn’t about having things always go your way, it’s about how you deal with it. Your toolbox. One of the things I touched on in my last blog, was how I am now learning to listen to my inner voice, more importantly, to TRUST my intuition. When you’re a child of a narcissistic abuser your ability to trust — especially yourself, is damaged. I searched a long time for a figure who would lead me down the right path. I love my husband to pieces but I was depending on him way too much. He had a stroke one year after we got married. Going “back” to work? My profession was in shambles. For one thing, I was a freelance artist. I had no work to go back to. I was never really employed at any one place for any length of time. All my former contacts, were tightening their budgets, or going into retirement. There wasn’t any work. There wasn’t any money. It seemed like there wasn’t any hope.
I decided to switch careers. While taking nurses training I worked at a few different places, at an office, or doing home health care. I knew I didn’t want to be a nurse. But not for the reasons most people think. I was hired at the school district office, by my “friend”. The best part of the job was that we all had to take what they called “Personality Training.” I found out I am an INFJ. I also learned, NEVER WORK FOR FRIENDS! lol. It’s like, all of these things are important, they help you deal with LIFE!
After that, I returned to painting. I am still convinced I can make a living with art. I believe anything is possible …
honeygoldwriter 